Marriage According to the Word of God
Nearly 2,000 years have passed since Paul wrote his letter to the Ephesians. “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord”. He spoke of the sacrificial love of a husband, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25.
Paul also wrote “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 Basically Paul is saying that Christians should humbly put the needs of the others first in respect for the love Christ has for us instead of acting out of pride, selfishness, or demand. Rather than submitting to the other because they deserve it, it is done out of reverence for Christ.
Marriage sets the tone for both wives and husbands. Wives are instructed to respect and submit to their husbands, while husbands are commanded to love their wives selflessly, laying down their own desires to care for and protect them, just as Christ loved the church.
The earthly views of marriage keep changing. The debates over biology, societal roles, gender identity, and equality have only increased. Marital unity, the state of two distinct individuals forming a harmonious, cooperative, and shared existence, has become bound up in the contentious debate over submission. The traditional view of submission was originally designed in Genesis as Paul observed. That view cannot exist under unequal power dynamics. Instead, true unity exists through mutual autonomy, shared authority, and equal rights within the relationship.
Ultimately, what was once broadly accepted as a foundational model for marital oneness—anchored in specific gender hierarchies—has become a cultural crossroads, shifting the conversation from mandatory obedience to God to negotiated partnerships.
We were married seventy-two years ago. At that time the wedding ceremony that was used had existed in the Protestant and Catholic churches for a number of years. That would be changing. Since then Nuptial vows have often been replaced by self-written vows, or modified to remove gender-unequal language such as the bride’s promise to “obey” her husband. A negotiated marriage between a male and a female doesn’t even have to include the Word of God.
Together we have seen the shift in marriage from what critics called “cornerstone” to a “capstone”. The “cornerstone model” is the traditional model. Marriage often happens in a couple’s early twenties. It serves as the foundation upon which a couple builds a life, navigates early financial struggles, and grows up together. In a “capstone marriage” it acts as the starting point for establishing an adult household and sharing economic survival.
The capstone model is the modern day definition of marriage. Marriage occurs later in life, typically in the late twenties, thirties, or beyond. Having secured financial stability, career goals, and personal independence, marriage follows. The pre-established status of success and maturity are the precedents to marriage.
With the coming of birth control, the capstone model enables two people to enjoy sex without submission. This practice is known as “free us.” Instead of focusing on authority, control, or submission, it functions simply as an ongoing arrangement based on continuous, spontaneous availability.
The least we can say is such arrangements are diplomatic. Bishop Abioye once said, “When you come out to give your life to Christ, don’t leave your brains at the altar”. When the altar becomes the place where a male and a female exchange their vows, they are making their intentions known to God and those who attend their wedding. When these intentions come under the leadership of the Holy Spirit the course of that marriage comes under the directorship of God, not according to the will of the partners.
Occasionally books appear that define marriage according to the Word and will of God. Andreas and Margaret Kostenberger and a number of others, call our attention to what the Word of God says about marriage. In their book God’s Design for Man and Woman, published in 2014, they pay special attention to the various interpretations of that Word concerning marriage.
The fundamental purposes of marriage are fixed and not subject to cultural negotiations. The purpose of marriage is for the purpose of raising and nurturing children in a stable family structure.
Thus, marriage is designed to mirror spiritual realities within a marriage as well as the covenantal relationship between Christ and the Church. It is a permanent covenant rather than a relationship based on negotiations. It’s a permanent covenant representing a deeper spiritual reality.
The covenant between a male and female is likened to the covenant of Christ and His church. The Word of God makes holy the relationship between a male and a female in the life long process of marriage. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”. Ephesians 5:25
This sets a standard of sacrificial, self-giving love. And it is For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united into one flesh . . . This famous verse comes from Genesis 2:24 and is also repeated by Jesus that human marriage is meant to mirror the spiritual union between Jesus and believers.
“One Flesh“ concludes by reiterating that marriage is a living illustration of the Gospel and Christ’s devotion to His bride, the church.
